Monday, December 31, 2007

not so special delivery

There was a knock on the door and when I got there I found this bloke had opened it and was a slouching silhouette in the doorway filling in his electronic delivery book. Without looking up he said, “Come along young man”. My inclination was to say “Give me the package and Fuck off” But it occurred to me he might well be one of the hoards from ‘off’ seeping into the area like raw sewage in which event I didn’t really want to engage in a prolonged feud. So I said nothing at all. I took the package with the faintest hint of a snatch, signed his electronic book in an almost contemptuous manner and silently closed the door on him just fractionally too fast for good manners. I am not sure he got the message

Horses for courses

Peter the Painter’s heart is really in showbiz. For his latest pre Christmas production, ‘Country Christmas’ at Talgarth he needed a donkey in the nativity scene. Local children in traditional nativity garb would sing the song ‘Little Donkey’. Peter set off to find one and came up with ‘Gentle’. Showbiz was not in her blood and despite pulling, pushing and persuasion with carrots she refused to enter the building. The small crowd that gathered was amused especially some idle builders who offered advice in the traditional manner – but nothing worked.
The show must go on and Peter came up with a replacement that was a little easier to handle. So it came to pass that the nativity part of the show began and Mary & Joseph entered leading the noble beast and the children began the ‘Little Donkey’ song. The Shetland pony was a magnificent actor.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I discover a Pulsar…….sort of

Regularly, every so often, Sky television would splutter a little burst of sound interference.
I tried turning off the central heating, the computer, the cooker , mobile phones and every other electrical appliance I could find but it made no difference. Suspicion turned to the neighbours as mine invariably does. But first I timed the regularity of the pulses of interference and found them to be 40 seconds. I searched the internet using terms like Sky, interference, 40 seconds etc but again came up with nothing.
Then I had an idea. We have a little weather station powered by 6 AA batteries which receives data from sensors in the garden and the garage. I looked up the manual on the web and found that it communicates this data every 40 seconds. Mystery solved.
The reason I am so pleased with this outcome is that my normal methods are not so subtle and if ever I do have any success with technology its usually because I switched it off and when it came on again it was cured.

unfamous last words

Here are some beautiful obituaries Polk County Georgia Obituaries . I cant quite work out why they should not be possible today but that they are not is a matter of regret.
I could not even bring myself to laugh at the sherrif who accidentally shot himself in the head so movingly was it written. (Mr. John Hutchings if you cant read through them all)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

What has he done?

For some strange reason I have suddenly had a spate of Googlers looking for Ulick Murphy one of the odd names I have collected. I wonder what he might have done to bring about this sudden attention; when I bagged him he was working for an insurance company as was my personal favorite and the star of my collection
'Dashita Dave'.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Feynman again

Feynman discusses the very question that was troubling me about light.

Monday, December 03, 2007

A matter of logic

The other day I was passing the ambulance station in Llandod when an NHS vehicle reversed slowly into the road. As it moved an annoying voice, in English, advised that it was indeed going backwards and it would be best if you didn’t lay down in the road and allow it to pass over you. These were not the exact words but it doesn’t matter – you get my drift. This kind of tosh has ceased to be funny but what happened next restored my faith in the boundless comic creativity of officialdom. While the vehicle was still moving backwards they repeated the warning in Welsh! I don’t speak Welsh and so I thanked my lucky stars that I happened to have arrived while the vehicle was giving me this important message in English.
Now here is a little exercise in elementary logic.
All Welshmen speak English.
Some Welshmen speak Welsh.
It follows from those two premises that if a warning has to be given in a language then it should be given in English alone since all Welsh speakers understand it whereas not all English speakers understand Welsh.
If there is any argument at all for a warning in an additional language then I regret to point out that Polish would have a much better claim than Welsh.

Overheard conversation just now

Menna “I told her it was too late to do it on direct debit now as she had not returned the form and we must have the money in full. She said sorry but she had been very busy and couldn’t pay it all.”
Tracy D “So she cant have been busy earning then?”.

A great line which deserves to have been delivered direct to the client.