Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Head of beheading

From the Times
Four men pleaded guilty today over a plot to kidnap and behead a member of the Armed Forces from Birmingham city centre. The group, headed by Parviz Khan, a 38-year-old unemployed charity worker, was arrested in February last year……………

What does an ‘unemployed charity worker’ do for a living when he is working.?

How high is the water Mamma ?

January 13th and river is highish. You can just about see our garage here.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Not enough pearls before the swine

15000 police officers marching for more pay.
I don’t think they are going to get much sympathy this time.
Ive been trying to think of something commendable they’ve done in the last 12 months but I cant.

Monday, January 21, 2008

I recognise the teeth

From thetelegraph

The drawings were based on the account of holiday-maker Gail Cooper, who said she saw the same man of north African appearance acting strangely on three different occasions around Praia da Luz in April last year.
On April 22 she said he was lurking by a group of children who were on a trip to the beach as part of the Mark Warner kids club - an excursion Madeleine joined in with several times before she went missing.
A second time she saw him walking alone on the same beach when it was pouring with rain. On a third occasion, he knocked on the door of her villa, claiming to being collecting money for charity, while her eight-year-old grand-daughter could clearly be seen swimming in the pool at the house.

I am the last person to require any kind of legalistic proof before reaching a conclusion about the guilt of somebody but this chaps strange behaviour seems to amount to;
1)on one occasion standing (or lurking as the Telegraph says) in the vicinity of some children.
2)walking alone on the beach while it was raining.
3)collecting money while a child was visibly swimming in a pool.

I did recognise the teeth though they belong to a local star of karaoke and they keep cropping up in unexpected locations. I am haunted by these teeth. In February of 2007 I met them on a cruise ship on the way to Morocco they were then occupying the mouth of a rather dumpy passenger who belted out "Be my love" in the mode of Mario Lanza.
I was fascinated both by the power of his voice, he declined the microphone, and by the strength of the dental fixative he was using. Had those teeth blown they could have taken an eye out in the gallery. I have seen those teeth on other occassions too. Sometimes a person walking down the street will stop and turn his head towards me for no reason at all and as I look at him the teeth will emerge rodent like and begin to intimidate me.

Friday, January 18, 2008


What a terrible day Bobby Fischer dead and tonight Vera Duckworth.

PS Ive just realised Bobby was 64 , the number of squares on a chessboard.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Like pulling teeth

Went to the dentist in Brecon today in quite a good mood so you can judge what yesterday must have been like to bestow cheerfulness upon such an appointment.
Ive been going there for 20 years or so and we have never said much to each other, indeed anything.
This time to celebrate the fact that today was not yesterday before going I looked up on the internet and committed to memory the name of the particular tooth that had become chipped.
My plan was as I lay down on the dentists chair and he asked as he always did “Any particular problems?” I would reply “Lower right first bicuspid chipped”
This would surprise him and he would make some remark to which I had intended to lie , “I have always been interested in teeth”.
I went in and as I lay down he asked “Any particular problems” and I immediately replied, “Lower right first bicuspid chipped” ;completely unmoved and in his normal deadpan manner he said “Ill have a look at it later” as if it were quite common for his patients to discuss their teeth in such an esoteric manner. He made no further reference to my contrived entrance.

Saturday, January 12, 2008


Ive just checked on the definition of 'outrageous' because in a sense two hydogen atoms walking down the street could be construed as 'outrageous'.
When I typed into Google 'Define:outrageous' I got; Outrageous" is the fourth and final single released from Britney Spears' album In the Zone released during the second quarter of 2004.

Atomic Theory Confirmed

Had a calender for Christmas which allegedly contained 365 Outrageous jokes. The following is in no way outrageous but its the only one that has made me laugh so far.
Two hydrogen atoms walking down the street. One stops suddenly and says "I think I just lost an electron"; "Are you sure?"; "Im positive"

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

office party

Annual Office party last Saturday at the Seven Stars Aberedw.

dont think about it

Had to go and see a urologist a week or so ago. After the event as I sat in reception awaiting a blood test I shuddered violently at the memory of the examination which had just taken place. Ann said ‘I don’t know what makes them take up that line of work’ to which I found myself answering ‘ Yes it’s a bit of a niche market’.